Saturday, October 30, 2010

Happy Halloween!

These two autumn pictures made me smile! Thank you Maggie, Alexandra Grace's mommy, for the cute pumpkin. And thank you Sandie, Jessica's mommy, for the cute scarecrow picture. It makes my heart melt to see my baby's name. Happy Halloween/ Happy Fall to everyone!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Meredith's Birthday

We had a very nice time on Meredith's birthday, October 3rd. She would have been 36 years old if she were here. I miss her, but I have no doubt that she has been basking in Heaven's Glory all these years. I just feel so fortunate to have assurance in my beliefs of Heaven.
Meredith got many sweet remembrances in the form of cards, blog pictures, gifts, and several random acts of kindness. The first lovely gift here is from my friends Twyla & Lindsey, who blog at Two Crazy Crafters. They collect vintage cards. The next one is from Kathy, of Kathy's Crochet Cabin. Kathy crochets and sews infant bereavement sets for hospitals. Crystal Theresa and Louie made the cupcake in memory of their Calvin and Rainbow baby. There are others who I don't want to leave out in thanking them - I will try to do that soon.
There were 14 of us who ate at Outback Steakhouse. My family is collectively picky, but Outback always has something for everyone. Then we went to my twin daughters' house. They live across the street from us. Several years ago they decided to buy a house together and we are thrilled they are so close to us. They had the house decorated so pretty with pink silk rose petals, pink ribbon roses, pink ribbons, pink balloons, and tiny pink baby flowers arranged in one of the vintage baby planters I collect. We had punch in the punchbowl my husband bought me for Christmas in 1977. My girls used the sweet teddy bear from Heather, a pink angel from Rita, and a pretty Christmas ornament from Bree on the table. Earlier, we had picked out a cake with pink roses on it. I blew out three candles, signifying her three days of life.
Another decoration used that was significant to me was my Mother's ecru lace tablecloth. It is at least 40 years old. Mother got it from the Watkin's man, a door to door salesman, as a prize for buying so much from him. Mr. Grady Dowell was our Watkin's man for as long as I can remember. He sold spices and ointments, among other things. Mother always bought his vanilla and black pepper, as well as greeting cards from the Sunshine Line. These cards nearly always had a scripture on them.
Because I have very young grandchildren, I chose not to talk about our baby who had passed away. We adults knew why we had gathered. We just ate, had cake, and fellowshipped together as a family. I bought a princess pinata for the children, a pull string type, and I pulled the strings for them. Each child also got a bag of gifts. Later, we had a balloon release. My son got out my granddaughter Morgan's telescope and found Jupiter and its four moons for us to view.
It was a lovely night. I'm glad I had the celebration and I appreciate anyone who helped in any way. I don't have a digital camera, but someone took photos, so I hope I have some soon!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Remembering Our Children on October 15th

I'm behind on blogging. I need to post about Meredith's celebration and the other sweet pictures and gifts she has been sent, her fall pictures, and a blog award I received. However, today is the day we remember our babies who couldn't stay here on Earth. All over the world, October 15th is a Day of Remembrance for families who have had pregnancy and infant loss. I would like to add that, in my opinion, anyone who has lost a child could use this day as a special remembrance date. It hurts to lose your children, whether you are 6 weeks along in pregnancy, your babe is stillborn, your baby dies at 4 weeks of age, or your child dies at 40 years of age. He or she is STILL your baby.
I have met so many mothers who have had losses and I mourn with all of you on this day. We are sisters in grief together. And we can be sisters in hope - hope for a brighter day; hope for a Rainbow baby; hope for our bereavement to become easier; hope for the future.
Remembering my child and yours always, as long as I have breath in my body.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Happy Birthday Meredith!

Happy birthday, baby girl! Mommy had planned a long post for today but after your sisters, Dad, and I went shopping to finish getting things for your celebration, I got a bit tired so I will do that post another day. I just wanted to tell you that we love you very much and miss you, too.
Our cousin Janet put some new flowers on your grave for us. I appreciate that since you are two hours away from us. So many sweet people have been very kind this week and sent cards, pictures for your blog, donations to charity, and gifts. Franchesca sent this picture of a lovely rose in her Jenna Belle's garden. A mother named Jess made the dove for you, baby girl. Rita and her baby Krystal sent an angel, pink for you. Heather and her angel daughter Madelyn sent an angel bear with your name on it. Bree, Nora, and baby butterfly Ella sent a beautiful pink Christmas ornament. I don't know how birthdays are done in Heaven, but I hope you are celebrating with all your angel friends. We love you, we cherish you, we know you are safe with Jesus. To our darling baby, we praise the day you were born. We are thankful for your short life. We praise the One who sent you to us. Happy birthday, sweet Meredith.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

What It's Like To Miss A Baby For 36 Years

I've been thinking of this question this week and thought I would share with you what it's like to miss Meredith for so very long.

Imagining who she would have resembled.
Wondering what occupation she might have had.
Because she was not breathing at birth and it took a while to resuscitate her, I have wondered if she might have been a special needs child.
Thinking of her today and EVERY day.
At first, I (irrationally) wondered if she was cold in her grave.
Knowing she is with the Lord.
Wondering what Heaven is really like.
Wanting to hold her so very badly.
Being comforted that she IS in Heaven.
Knowing that had she been a special needs child, we would have still loved her and been proud of her.
Imagining what glories she has witnessed in Heaven.
Remembering her as a part of our family even though she isn't physically with us.
Never being able to go by the flower aisle at stores without thinking, "Would that look good in the cemetery?"
Worrying if I can't get to the cemetery to replace flowers and being thankful for my cousin Janet who will take care of her grave for me if I need her to.
Being thankful for anyone over the years who has put something on her grave for us, even my brother who treated for ants there a few weeks ago.
Facing her birthday and missing her so much.
Collecting angel figurines and other things that remind me of her.
Saying goodbye to the happy-go-lucky girl I used to be.
Wishing I had stood up to Dr. D and INSISTED he let me hold my baby!
Wishing I had many true memories of that time period instead of a few memories of my own, and other memories from pictures or what I have been told.
If she were here, would she be married and would she have given me grandchildren?
Thanking the Lord that He has carried us all these years.

I could go on and on - this is just a sampling of the thoughts I've had. This year, I'm more at peace with her death than I ever have been. As your birthday approaches, remember we love you, Meredith, and you will always be our first little girl.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Meredith's Birthday Week - October 1

I should have posted this on the very first day this week, as this is Meredith's invitation that was made by Danielle, a precious mother to three Earth angels and one little boy, Wyatt Nathaniel, who went home to be with Jesus two minutes after he was born. Wyatt's toy that was purchased by his parents before he was born is an elephant. I never see an elephant without thinking of this brave little baby boy. Thank you, Danielle, for using your talents to make this lovely invitation.

These two sunset photos were taken by Carly Dudley on her angel son Christian's beach in Australia. She took the original one (on bottom) in July. When I recently ordered the jpeg for it, she sent the original one as well as a new one. She had noticed that the sun wasn't showing in the original so she took a photo that did have the sunset visible. Carly, I appreciate these pictures very much.
Emily from Stepping Stones had her sister to make this photo in Hawaii. When I ordered it, I also ordered a small bag of sand and shells from this beach.
Thank you so much for all these wonderful things done in memory of our sweet baby. Such a great collection of talent I have posted this week!