Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Visiting the Cemetery

Meredith is buried two hours away from our home. The small well-kept cemetery is in the town where I grew up. When she died, the only constant standing out in my mind was home, and home represented the cemetery where my grandparents were buried and where we will be buried one day. I asked for her to be placed next to my grandmother, and she was. In the coming years, two other babies from our family were to be buried in that cemetery - Joshua, my premature great-nephew, who lies right next to Meredith, and my cousin's baby boy, Cason, who passed away when he was six weeks old.
Even though I am only 57, my health has deteriorated in the last several years, and I don't get to visit the cemetery very often any more. I know that Meredith's spirit is not there, but her tiny earthly remains are, so the cemetery has always been a place of peace for me to visit and be near her little spot of earth. I was introduced to death at a young age and I'm not afraid of death. In fact, two years ago, I was in intensive care and stared death right in the face. I wasn't afraid to die, but I am thankful to the Lord that He allowed me to come home to my family.
When Meredith first died, we went to my home town frequently to visit her grave and leave artificial flowers. I shopped around at all the stores that carried flowers, carefully choosing which ones I would take for her the next time we went. We saved our money and were thrilled to be able to buy a pink granite tombstone for her first birthday. It had a small white vase on it so it was easier for me to leave flowers for her. Strange that we were excited about a tombstone, but that was one of the few things we could do in her remembrance.
This past Saturday my brother and his wife had a family gathering at "home." He now lives in Mother & Daddy's home, the home where we were raised. It was built in the 1930's and has been remodeled several times. We had a wonderful time of food, family, fireworks, and fellowship. Our daughter first took us by the cemetery, where in 102 degree sunshine we replaced the flowers on Meredith's grave, on Joshua's, and on several others I'm responsible for. It felt good to see her name engraved in granite, to put pretty pink flowers out for her, to be at the place where her little body rests. I don't know how to describe it other than to say I felt like I was home with my darling first baby, home near her earthly remains. Over the past year, I have sometimes struggled with the idea of having her exhumed and cremated so I can have her at our real home. I finally decided that she will remain undisturbed until the dead in Christ arise. Rest in peace, sweet Meredith Helen - I love you and miss you so very much.

8 comments:

Just Breathe said...

I think that it is a good decision to keep her there. So sad to hear that other little ones have joined her from the family. ((HUGS))

Kristin said...

That is wonderful that you got to visit her gravesite again. Hugs to you......

heathermohr said...

Our Madelyn is an hour away, and possible will be even further away at some point, if we ever move. But we, like you, wanted her near family no matter what, and even if we're not, Nathan's family will be buried there.

I'm so glad you got to visit her. (((hugs)))

Lisette said...

I am glad you got to visit your baby girl. ((HUGS))

Paige said...

such a sweet post..and i totally understand the flower thing. when we first lost tatum I had to have the flowers just perfect....since it was the "only thing i could do for her."

Jill said...

So glad you were able to visit Meredith. I know my babes are not there, but since their remains are, I like to visit and feel peace at their resting place.

Misty said...

I have struggled with that same feeling..... when I go visit with Isaac, it kills me he is only arms length underground. I want to scoop him out and cradle him again...... That nagging feeling has lessened, but I still desire to have him in my home. Thank you for sharing.

xo M.

Holly said...

It's good to have them in a place that feels like home, whether they were buried or cremated. I know we made the right choice in our cemetery. We even bought plots next to her for us.

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